Where we have been tells us where we are going.
This quote, in whatever way it is presented, used to make me think if I didn't make good decisions right now the rest of my life will stay on the wrong path.
Standing at the place I am right now in my life, I know this cannot be true. The amount of mercy and grace by God that I have been drowned in is the only thing that has brought me to the place I am at now. My past is a physical working proof of God's goodness, mercy, and love in my life.
I have been reminded repeatedly lately, how important it is to remember my recent past. Not only for me but for the testimony that I share in conversation with loved ones. How important it is to remember how I may have pursued God but he was pursuing me more than I could imagine.
This recent Senior Session reminds me how important the lessons we learn from our past call us into our victories.
I am so thankful to capture this beauty again and celebrate this victorious time in her life.
Prom season is in full swing!
I am so grateful to photograph these two again and for their very last prom!
Transparency, I love these images. I love that I was able to show up and be present. I was able to ensure they both felt comfortable and knew how wonderful they looked. That is probably my biggest prayer right now. ‘God please allow your love to flow through me and be a testimony of your love to all those around me’. I am so grateful that God chose to pour not only love but talents through me for his glory.
Always praying for more opportunities and days like this.
2024
Back in 2006 the year 2024 seemed ages away. I remember waiting for my first baby to arrive. I was desperate to see her face and hold her in my arms. I remember having dreams of her sleeping next to me in her bassinet, which was set up next to my bed awaiting her arrival. I remember waiting for her.
We are a little over a month until her graduation and I find myself with the same anticipation almost. I am so excited to see all that she will be after high school yet I am terrified for her to be away from me, no longer close enough for me to hold her every day.
This school year I thought I would be in tears everyday leading up to it. I have found myself being thankful for each additional day I have had with her. Not focusing on what will be but rather what I have right now with her.
Right now for me, 2006 was just yesterday. I still feel the weight of her body in my arms, feel her still squishy hands and mine, and smell her sweet newborn baby smell.
Right now I am so thankful I have had the opportunity to hold those same sweet hands for the past 18 years.
May 25th I may no longer be able to hold it together though...
I am officially 40.
This Sunday my girls and I hiked Blood Mountain. We have walked trails however, actual hiking is completely different. Hard hiking trails trekking poles are a MUST no matter the age, weight, or physical condition. I swear it was the only thing that allowed me to pull myself up those steep rocks. It took everything out of me to not give up and just roll 4,000 feet down the mountain… but I made it to the top. We made it to the top. My two teenagers hate movement in any fashion. My SIX-year-old. This little girl walked all the way up and all the way down with only the help of her trekking pole. Everyone that passed was impressed and cheering her on, (btw hikers are dope). I am sure she was the youngest person hiking on Sunday.
4.4k above sea level was breathtaking, humbling, and unreal. After all my spitting and fussing I found myself so incredibly thankful for breath in my body, my eyes that can see, and my body that allowed me to get up this great mountain.
Jade asked me while we were hiking ‘what I have learned in my 40 years’. My answer is how important love is. What you focus on grows. Love isn’t always about being in love with a person, a moment, or a thing. Love is about CHOOSING to see and feel love in all moments of life.
Life is hard. Sometimes so hard you want to throw up and lay down and give up (literally how I felt on the side of the mountain). Love moved me forward though, God, my girls, the beautiful sanctuary we stood in, and the encouraging words of the passing hikers.
…the greatest of these three is Love.
My oldest girl did a thing this Friday. A big thing.
She decided she was going to be a contestant in her high school pageant. I literally could never. Even at my big old age I could never. Mainly because my knees don't love me like they use to lol.
I was so proud of her, she performed beautifully. She was confident, she had fun and made new friends. I am so incredibly proud that this happened to a human I raised. A human I really really like (on most days) and someone I love.
It's amazing how much of myself I can see in my girls and how much of 'just them' I see. It's the 'just them' part I love the most.
6 years
Last week we celebrated my youngest daughter's 6th birthday. Though six is still so young it feels like light years away from the baby phase.
The baby phase for me has always meant depression. I was a machine just trying to get to the next phase and once you are out of it you look back and which you could have enjoyed it more.
I look at all three of my girls now and I am so thankful for all that God has brought us out of and also what he allowed us to go through. It was hard so hard in the middle of it but he held not only me but my babies through it all.
Grace, nothing but grace brought me through these times, brought us through these times. When my sin was abundant God's grace was more abundant.
Over the past six years, so much of me had to die and over the past six years, my daughter has grown into more than I could have fathomed.
Grateful and ready to see the next 60 years with my girls.
The official starting point for "the feed". My own slice of the internet where I create posts of photos/videos that don't flow in my gallery or just a random peak inside my wild ride called life.
Transparent moment with these photos I was a deer in headlights. It's crazy how often I have set up my lights, and camera, and put on the self-timer over the past twenty years (I feel so old saying that) to take photos of myself, and it still takes me time to warm up with MYSELF. No one else was in the room I was just being strange. Another reason I like to take my time with kids, parents, and all humans in front of my camera.
In other news, this week is going to be another crazy one. I have to stop and ask myself what week isn't crazy as a single mom of three. Praying instead of sitting in an overwhelmed feeling when things...get to be a lot I find my thankfulness and joy.
Welcome all to 'The Feed;